I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
