Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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