it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
