Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
