I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
