Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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