At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
pray to the hookup gods
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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