Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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