Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
