so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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