M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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