Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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