I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
