Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
