Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
