I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
