Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize