I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
