): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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