i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
