He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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