She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
