Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
