he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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