I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
