i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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