I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
