i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
ok first of all what the fuck
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
