Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
