The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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