she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
this hospital has no fireball
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
