I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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