You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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