Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize