you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
