i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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