stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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