Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
