I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
