Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize