Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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