But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
