Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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