i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
