i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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