The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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