Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
