he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
