her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
