You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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