dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
