There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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