Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
