I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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