I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
