i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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