Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
