I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
