She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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