At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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