she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
