I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
