And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
