yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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