i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
