well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize