Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
