so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
