Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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