lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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