just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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